Friday, April 15, 2011

Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth!

It is a constant source of irritation to me that relationships require effort. Surely it would be a lot easier if they just chugged along by themselves? This whole "compromise" and "train them" lark is simply (in my mind) BS.
Seriously, I think it is simply ridonkulous (and yes, this is a word. I have added it to my 'favourite word list'. Currently on the list you will find: ticketyboo, slore, pider (pear cider) and ridonkulous). I am stamping my foot here, Cupid! I know I shouldn't complain (but I will)... I'm not perfect myself, but sometimes I think life would be a helluva lot easier if there was some way we could physically reprogram the male species (I'm talking sci-fi, memory-card reprogramming here), instead of having the same conversation... over, and over, and over again? I'm pretty sure they (men) feel the same way as I do too. Maybe that's something to look into for future generations? Programmable lovebots? I know, I didn't mean it to sound as dirty as it did. And I know the "fun" is meant to be in growing together... but seriously. 

I would like to offer an example of how life would be easier with a man (or woman, let's not be sexist here) who is able to be changed with the flick of a switch. I will name the two parties "Subject A" and "Subject B" for your convenience:

Subject A: "Sorry, I forgot to get anything out for dinner tonight, what do you want from the Supermarket?"
Subject B: "It's okay my beloved, I have been planning this romantic meal for the past month... Here, have a glass of wine, put your feet up, and I will prepare the meal of your dreams"

Perhaps you require another example, so here goes:

Subject A: "Oh my gosh, someone must have broken into our house and stolen ALL the dirty dishes! Quick, call the police!"
Subject B: "It's okay my beloved, I know how much it means to you when I help out around the house... I took the liberty of doing the dishes last night before we went to bed. Here, why don't you relax and I will cook your favourite breakfast for you"

I know what you're thinking. Subject A seems like a right unappreciative Neanderthal, right? Well regardless of this, no matter which way I look at it, it is a definite WIN. What is it about the two sexes that make us so different? I'm talking emotionally, mentally...the works! I don't buy into that "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" crap either. Hello, different climates! We'd need some sort of high-tech breathing apparatus at the very least, and don't even get me started on the dietary requirements for those planets.

The whole "dishes" debate reminds me of a scene from a popular movie, The Break Up. Basically (if you haven't seen it) it goes like this:

Brooke: "I want you to want to do the dishes"
Gary:    "Why would I want to do the dishes?!"

Now can someone point me in the direction of a lovebot with the following settings: 
  1. Makes good money so I can stay at home with my son.
  2. Is a fantastic father and can fill the spot of "best friend" too.
  3. Knows exactly how to make me laugh, even when I am fighting the urge and really want to stay angry.
  4. Caters to my every whim.
  5. Has actual human emotion (when I require) and obviously some realistic skin grafts (I'm not down with hugging a "machine)
I think those would be the top 5. Like I said, I don't ask for much... If I wasn't so google-wary I'd give a go, but I think I will leave that up to you!

Over & Out.

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