Tuesday, April 12, 2011

An introduction, of sorts...

Okay, here goes.

I suppose it's customary to start with a brief introduction, of sorts. I'm not exactly sure where to begin. I guess this might fluctuate from the past to present quite a bit, but I will try and keep my explanations minimal. I have a tendency to ramble so for this, I apologise in advance.

I am a 25-year-old stay-at-home-mum. I have a gorgeous (yet very opinionated) young boy, who is currently 16-months old. I am currently battling with my 'new' role as housewife, and by battle I mean 'fighting it every step of the way'! I have always been a control freak. You wouldn't notice it if you stepped inside my house, however. It is in constant chaos (and I'm not talking the 'organised' kind either) filled with children's toys, piles of washing and it would not be unusual to find the remnants of last-night's dinner still smeared into our rental's carpet. We are clearly a rental agency's dream tenants! I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I am not a 'control freak' in the obsessive-compulsive, everything-in-it's-place freak-out kind of way. More in the fact that I react strongly in disfavour of change and hate not knowing what is going to happen next.

I have been (here we go, jumping to the past now) a variety of things in my not-so-long life, so far. I have worked in the crazy world of Film/Advertising/TV for 3 years, then decided to try my hand at professional skydiving (I have over 700 jumps to my name). For someone who hates change with a passion, I sure tend to seek it out in spades! I am now struggling with the fact that I feel this overwhelming desire to have a career once again. I don't want to feel like I'm "just a mum". Now I know that I'm a great mum, even though there's always room for improvement, but I can tell that I am by the way my son looks at me. Complete unconditional love and adoration. Nothing beats it. Nothing. So why on Earth do I want to give that up to go back to work? Beats me. Every time I am apart from him I feel this complete gut-wrenching pull, that physically hurts me. Bloody hormones, I tell ya. I guess the grass is always greener.

I just want to be the best person I possibly can be. But most of all, I just want to be happy within myself again. I know that's a horrible thing to say. I am a mother, first and foremost (and will be until the day I die) but I just want to be more. I'm not talking about what people perceive me to be. I don't give a rats about that. I want to feel that I have made the most of every single opportunity given to me in this lifetime.

I guess that's why I've entitled this blog "The Pursuit of Happiness". I hope you will all join me in my search, and share in my triumphs and inevitable 'hurdles along the way. I shall revisit more of my past later, to help you gauge a better understanding of the person I am becoming due to the experiences I have been through, but for now this is all.

Over and Out.

1 comment:

Vbanger said...

You are def destined for great things Skymum and have always had that x-factor about you! Will gladly follow to discover and watch you unfold all of your greatest potentials!:)