“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today” - William Allen White
Following on from my mammoth post (you can thank Renee for that!), I thought a brief update was in order. I'm doing great! Most of my things are now packed, and I'm on 'countdown to new house' mode (1 week to go!). Initially I was very sad, yes; and I'm sure those moments of angst will continue for quite some time. The main reason for my sadness, I have found was guilt.
Guilt that we couldn't resolve our differences and be a real family for our son. Guilt is all part of being a mother. Guilt that you're not doing "enough". Guilt that you have made decision that could impact negatively upon them in the future. But my guilt was unfounded and foolish. This was absolutely the right decision to make (even if it ultimately wasn't made by me). I have compromised myself so much in the past 5 years, and made sacrifices to become the person that I believed someone else wanted (or needed) me to be. I'm not going to make a long-winded list of everything, as that would put a negative spin on an otherwise very positive post... but I will say that I am really looking forward to the future now! I am re-discovering myself, and remembering not the person that I used to be - but the person that I still am. The person that I had forgotten, and hidden under a façade of emotion. In no way am I saying that I regret my past decisions, and in no way am I saying that I didn't truly love my son's father (a part of me always will). I am just saying that I am placing a higher priority on myself than I have done in the past, and enjoying the new path that my life is now taking!
Over & Out.